What I Did Last Weekend

Watched TV. What with my ankle all gimped up, I spent the weekend on the couch or in bed. Here's what I watched.

Zombieland - Netflix Streaming.
Great movie, funny, well done. Some online folks said that the 3rd act needed work, but I didn't see it. Either Jesse Eisenberg is ripping off Michael Cera or vice versa. Woody Harrelson is genius, along with Bill Murray. The girls are cute and well done. Writing is tippy top. Why does it work? Because it's a zombie movie with very few zombies, allowing us to focus on characters. Sound familiar?

Session 9 - Netflix Streaming.
My friend, author Brandon Barker, recommended this title a long time ago and I just got around to seeing it. On the downside, it has David Caruso. On the upside, it was before Caruso became Horatio Caine, he of the horrible posture and worse one-liners. The movie was really atmospheric and creepy. The tension, while not unbearable, was at least taut, like Tawny Kitaen's buttocks in the 80's. Good movie.

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Animals - Netflix Streaming.
This movie was based off a novel by John Skipp and Craig Spector. I've heard a lot about this duo's writing - they are supposedly the fathers of splatterpunk. This movie did not make me want to see or read anything else by either of them. But the movie did have PROS and CONS. Sorry. One PRO and innumerable CONS. On the upside, this chick from Supernatural is in it and she takes her kit off. On the downside, the script, the acting, the art direction, the casting (other than her), and really every thing else about the movie. Total waste of time, bandwidth, electricity, breath.

Archer: Season 1 - Netflix Streaming
Well, Arrested Development is over and this show has Julie Walters and Jeffrey Tambor in recurring characters. It's like AD mashed up with James Bond. And it's animated. The quirky characters and the bizarre situations they get in are amusing. But Arrested Development, it ain't. That hole in my heart has yet to be filled.

Note, I watched maybe the last 6 episodes. I'd seen the first part earlier. Just so you don't think I bent time, traveled through a wormhole to get all of these things watched.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - Netflix Streaming
I can understand why some folks don't like TGWTDT because of its moribund pacing. However, I have an attention span greater than an otter and I really loved this movie. I appreciate movies with slow builds - I number In the Bedroom one of my favorites - because the endings become inexorable and massive, pregnant with dread. Just my opinion, all you Larsson haters.

Anyway, I liked Let the Right One In, too. However, there were moments, in both movies, I couldn't help thinking of this.

Bork, bork!

Legion - XBox 360 rental
Angels are like demons and zombies, mixed together. The guy who gets to sleep with Jennifer Connolly is an ass-kicking archangel Michael (strangely with an in-depth knowledge of automatic weapons) rebelling against God's orders, namely to exterminate mankind, a la the great flood, but this time with zombie angels. Or angel zombies. Or whatever.

Plus there's an unborn baby that is the messiah, I think. None of the movie made much sense. Bah. I sat through it, mildly entertained, hoping that the baby would turn out to be the anti-christ and for good old Scratch to make an appearance. But I was gypped. My apologies to all you of gypsy extraction.

Wendig asked me if it was a total waste of two hours. No, it wasn't. The possessed granny made me laugh and clap my hands like a mongoloid idiot. But when the angels started fighting, I was ready for the apocalypse. My apologies to all you Mongols. And idiots.

The Woods - Netflix Streaming
This movie was about 2ooo times better than Legion. It's about a troubled teen sent to an all girl school in the sixties. There's some strange goings on. That's all I'm going to say. You should watch this one.

Patricia Clarkson and Bruce Campbell fill out the cast, plus the hottie young actress.

Despicable Me - Rave Theater, 3d
Ok, the 3d thing. All of the 3d haters have most likely never sat in a darkened theater with a 7 year old who insists on grasping for objects on the screen and squealing in delight. Do I think the new 3d technology would make Howard's End or Schindler's List better movies? No, I do not. But adventure, SF, horror, or a kid's movie? Why, yes, I totally endorse 3d in these kinds of flicks.

War movies? No. Show some damned respect. Porno? Eww. No 3d there, either, thank you.

Anyway, Despicable Me was about what you'd expect. Super villain is not really so super. Beleaguered by new competition. Adopts some kids - for a dastardly plan - but things go awry and the kids warm the cockles of his heart. Third act? Loses kids, comes to realize he loves them, fights to get them back.

Funny gimmicks. The big draw for me on this one was watching with the kids. They loved it and that made it all worthwhile.

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief - XBox 360 Rental
My kids liked it. I was kinda pissed at the image quality - I ordered 480p - but the damn file was full of artifacts and jaggies. I kept finding myself getting pissed off at the image quality.

Anyway, Percy is the son of Poseidon. While we were watching the movie, I informed my daughters that if they ever brought a boy home with a haircut like that, I'd shave his head. So, thanks to Percy Jackson for completing my transformation into my father.

Right, he's the son of Poseidon. But it's modern day. Pierce Brosnan has a beard. Sean Bean is Zeus.

The characters run around thwarted by various mythological creatures, at least those relating to Perseus. Get it? Percy? Perseus? Yeah.

I'm gonna write a book called Odie and the Pantheon: Bloody Homecoming. Wait till you see the Scylla and Charbydis scenes. And the ladies of Nausica.

100 Feet - Netflix Streaming
Famke Janssen might be getting a tad long in tooth, but she's still purty. In 100 Feet, she plays an abused wife who kills her husband, a cop, and after a stint in prison is relegated to a year in home arrest. In the NY house they shared together.

Unfortunately, the house is haunted by the ghost of her abusive husband.

I was surprised at how well done this movie was. A couple of times it made me jump. And there's some very brutal ghostly ass-whomping at the end. The writers missed a golden opportunity regarding some dirty money Famke finds hidden in the house, which was unfortunate.

Unfortunately, Famke doesn't get naked. Still, it's a decent movie.

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That is all.

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